Another post highlighting and analysing cohesive devices in academic writing, this time a summary of research looking into the facial expressions of animals.
coherence and cohesion
Cohesion in the news
In this post we look at some cohesive devices used in a recent news report covering the unrest in Hong Kong.
Searching for missing nouns
Living far away from home improves their ability in money managing, since their parents may not support their financial.
First of all, congratulations to this student for use of the word ‘since’. Perhaps she read my previous post dealing with because, since and as?
Unfortunately the use of ‘financial’ here lacks coherence because the Indonesian version of ‘financial’ – finansial – is used informally as a noun, whereas in English it is always an adjective. The reader is left wondering.. financial what?
The following alternatives use different word forms and also include strong collocation:
- ..their parents may not cover their financial commitments. (adjective affects and collocates with commitments)
- ..their parents may not support them financially. (adverb affects and collocates with support)
- ..their parents may not cover their finances. (noun collocates with cover)
The only other example I can think of in which an imported adjective is used as a noun, might be:
- Taking drugs is not good for your mental.
..which should read:
- Taking drugs is not good for your mental health.
If you can think of any other words that get lost in translation in the same way, please comment below this post!
Who are ‘they’?
English should be taught from an early age. English is highly valued when pursuing study abroad, getting a job, and connecting business people all over the world. They use English, furthermore, in their activities, such as education, business, politics, travel, and others.
The IELTS examiner will be wondering who they refers to. In IELTS terms, the plural they and the singular it refer to or act as substitutes for the subject of the previous sentence. Referencing and substitution is something that the IELTS examiner is evaluating in your writing, so it pays to use it correctly.
Let’s investigate what this writer is trying to say: Continue reading
Men and women and work
This article from the Economist includes some nice vocabulary and structures for IELTS Task 1 writing. Click linked words and phrases for more information or head directly to the analysis below.
Women in England and Wales are having 1.9 children on average, fewer than their mothers who had 2.2 offspring, according to the Office for National Statistics. That’s a small decrease but the lowest level on record and continues the downward trend of the past few years. The decline is in part due to a growing number of women not having children, with one-fifth now childless. There has also been a fall in the number of teenage pregnancies. About 6% of women have a baby before their 20th birthday, again continuing a long-term downward trend. But “it’s not just childlessness,” said Emily Knipe of the Office for National Statistics. More and more women are having fewer babies. The data showed about one in 10 mothers today having four or more children, compared with one in eight of their mothers’ generation.
Women are also having babies later. By their 30th birthdays, women today are likely to have had one child. Their mothers were likely to have had 1.8. The ONS suggested this is because more women are going into higher education and are also delaying finding a partner. Ms Knipe said: “It’s not just a biological factor of people leaving it too late. There is a growing body of evidence that suggests people are choosing not to have children.”
Analysis
Trends
The word ‘trend‘ is only used once, and even then it is used together with ‘downward‘! See this post for further discussion of ‘trend‘.
Although is used to contrast two trends at the same time. This is a good thing to do, if you can, in your IELTS Task 1 overview.
Indonesians notice the contrasted items are separated with a comma without ‘but’ (akan tetapi).
- Although female-dominated industries have suffered fewer job losses from globalisation and technological change, they also pay less.
Referencing and substitution
One way to avoid repetition in your writing is to refer to nouns using referencing words as substitutes (it, they, this, those, etc). using these will improve your score for coherence and cohesion (CC). Examples here include:
- This form of segregation.. (= men and women pursue different lines of work)
- ..those that have long employed women.. (those = ‘the fastest growing industries in America)
- This does not mean.. (This = slow growth of sectors dominated by men)
- ..they also pay less. (they = slow growth of sectors dominated by men)
- ..the figure (= % of American doctors and lawyers who are women)
- ..this process takes time (= changing male and female roles in the workplace)
- At this rate.. (= the rate at which full gender equality is to be achieved)
Notice that the pronoun ‘it’ is not used at all as a substitute! Read this post to find out why.Vocabulary (Lexical Resource)
In IELTS terms there is some high-band vocabulary and interesting collocation:
- pursue (v) + lines of work (n)
- segregation (n) – in this case male / female
- better off (adj) – comparative form of well-off (wealthy)
- capture (v) + jobs (n)
- mere (adj) – to emphasise a low figure
- gender (adj) + parity (n) – sophisticated synonym for gender equality
- the field – the work field (Make sure you establish a context before reducing a phrase like this!)
Tenses
Present simple is used for situations that are true all the time:
- Men and women often pursue different lines of work.
- etc.
Present perfect is used to talk about trends that began in the past and are still happening now:
- ..many sectors…have grown much more slowly..
- etc.
Will is used for prediction:
- ..the field will not achieve gender parity for another 200 years.
Percentages
When a percentage is mentioned for the first time it is always followed by of + the whole. If you’re not sure what is meant by the whole, I suggest you read this.
- In the 1960s, less than 10% of American doctors and lawyers were women.
- Today over 60% of chefs and cooks are men.
- ..a mere 10% of all nursing jobs.
If you’re preparing for IELTS Task 1, I strongly recommend that you read my other posts that deal with percentages.
Structures
The writer uses a participle clause to add information about a trend. In IELTS Task 1 this structure – comma + __ing – is often used to present the result(s) of a trend. For more information, see this post.
- Today, women graduate from university at higher rates than men, putting them in a stronger position for many well-paid professional jobs that were once male-dominated.
This one and those ones
Teachers should shift from individual learning to collaborative one.
Here an Indonesian student is translating ‘yang‘ as a substitute for a noun, but running into trouble because ‘learning‘ is uncountable.
This is easy to solve by converting ‘individual learning‘ into a countable noun:
- Teachers should shift from an individual learning style to a collaborative one.
Notice, too that the same kind of translation is possible with plural count nouns:
- Collaborative tasks are better than individual ones.
However, this is rather informal and is used more in speaking than in writing.